DH became angered today because I told him I was not yet ready for our oldest son to stay at his Grandma's house. DH became full of rage and accused me of hating his family, told me I was a horrible communicator, said he was "done" with me in 6 weeks (that's when our younger son is due to have his spica cast removed) and called me a failure in life.
I defended myself, possibly in a sarcastic tone, and he pushed me. So I hit back and scratched his arm. He threatened to have me arrested. I laughed.
Later he did say he was sorry, he even said he deserved to be scratched by me and that he understood. Overall though, it was a very bad day, I felt anxious and physically drained all evening as a result. Our plans to work together and do some chores around the house basically didn't happen.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
example
Today DH snapped at me because I asked him if he was absolutely sure he didn't throw away my grocery list. It's not like I would have been that mad, it's just a list I can re-write, but since DH has a habit of throwing away things of mine left on the counter that are not yet trash, I wanted him to take pause and try to remember if he had recently done a counter sweep.
Anyway, he snapped at me hatefully, I forgot what he said, but it was his tone, not his words that stung. As if the idea that he would throw something away and forget about it is ludicrous, even though I can recall pulling valuable things out of the trash numerous times, including an unused $50 giftcard once. He reacted as if I was accusing him a being liar. As if I would dare! I just wanted to make sure because I know how he is, I know he forgets and I accept this. I wasn't asking him in a mean way, but somehow the conversation turned ugly.
Can't win.
Anyway, he snapped at me hatefully, I forgot what he said, but it was his tone, not his words that stung. As if the idea that he would throw something away and forget about it is ludicrous, even though I can recall pulling valuable things out of the trash numerous times, including an unused $50 giftcard once. He reacted as if I was accusing him a being liar. As if I would dare! I just wanted to make sure because I know how he is, I know he forgets and I accept this. I wasn't asking him in a mean way, but somehow the conversation turned ugly.
Can't win.
Friday, March 14, 2008
example
Our youngest son had a spica cast put on yesterday and it's not like we had a choice in the matter, or as if we can "shop around" for the best deal on medical care when we needed to do this right away.
I had to pay the surgery center a $470 facility fee upfront, not covered by our insurance. I had lots going on this day, I didn't question the fee, I had to care for my 3 y/o, Beeb, while my 1.5 y/o Boo was getting this cast put on. After the cast was put on, Boo was in hysterics. He had been anethesticized so that he wouldn't wiggle while the cast was applied, and waking up with half of his body in a cast had to be very scary, even without the effects of the drug! My poor baby!
Boo was fine after a nap and by the evening, he was even learning to scoot around in his cast, such a trooper! But it was a long and exhausting day for me. DH came home and was looking over some of the medical paperwork I had brought home. He found the statement for the $470 facility fee and he freaked out! He said I should have given him a heads up and when I defended myself, saying that keeping him posted on every transaction when I was super stressed and busy was simply not a priority to me, especially when there was no option involved. He screamed that he hated me! Accused me of, again, being deceptive because I had forgotten to mention the facility fee! We had no choice, we had to pay it upfront, why why why would I have needed to clear that with him?
I wish he would learn to start with calm. Yes, this fight was in front of the kids.
I had to pay the surgery center a $470 facility fee upfront, not covered by our insurance. I had lots going on this day, I didn't question the fee, I had to care for my 3 y/o, Beeb, while my 1.5 y/o Boo was getting this cast put on. After the cast was put on, Boo was in hysterics. He had been anethesticized so that he wouldn't wiggle while the cast was applied, and waking up with half of his body in a cast had to be very scary, even without the effects of the drug! My poor baby!
Boo was fine after a nap and by the evening, he was even learning to scoot around in his cast, such a trooper! But it was a long and exhausting day for me. DH came home and was looking over some of the medical paperwork I had brought home. He found the statement for the $470 facility fee and he freaked out! He said I should have given him a heads up and when I defended myself, saying that keeping him posted on every transaction when I was super stressed and busy was simply not a priority to me, especially when there was no option involved. He screamed that he hated me! Accused me of, again, being deceptive because I had forgotten to mention the facility fee! We had no choice, we had to pay it upfront, why why why would I have needed to clear that with him?
I wish he would learn to start with calm. Yes, this fight was in front of the kids.
Friday, March 7, 2008
example
DH was telling a story about work and I was very busy, but was trying to listen. I asked him to repeat himself a couple of times because I wanted to understand a detail I had missed. DH kept getting frustrated and threatened to stop telling me. I insisted that I wanted to know and he continued. He told me I wasn't listening attentively and was very rude to me. I tried to sympathize and asked him to continue telling, that I was trying to listen as the kids were hovering around and chattering.
DH typically becomes very angered when he doesn't have my full attention. But when I am telling a story, he constantly looks away, ignores me, and when I ask if he wants me to continue, he often claims that whatever he is watching on television, usually sports, is more important and to hold that thought. Or he tells me I don't get to the point quickly enough and that I am boring.
Ouch.
But I am supposed to act like his story is interesting and pay full attention or he gets furious. What if I got furious that he doesn't listen to me either? What if I acted just like he does??? The mind reels...
DH typically becomes very angered when he doesn't have my full attention. But when I am telling a story, he constantly looks away, ignores me, and when I ask if he wants me to continue, he often claims that whatever he is watching on television, usually sports, is more important and to hold that thought. Or he tells me I don't get to the point quickly enough and that I am boring.
Ouch.
But I am supposed to act like his story is interesting and pay full attention or he gets furious. What if I got furious that he doesn't listen to me either? What if I acted just like he does??? The mind reels...
example
We had planned all week to try out Texas Roadhouse for supper on a Friday night, as a new one had just opened up in our city. We had agreed that we wanted to make it early to beat the dinner rush. DH had promised to be home around 5:30PM, but when that time came and he had still not left work, I expressed disappointment.
After he got home and we headed to the restaurant, DH yelled at me and threatened me. He brought up other disagreements about how he spends his time, including his typical choice to go to the gym after work, even though he already leaves work later than he should in order to spend some time with the kids and help around the house before bedtime. I usually express my opinion and ask why he doesn't just go to the gym in the mornings or at lunch, or even leave work early in the evening and go then...but DH doesn't want to be questioned. Regardless, the gym time is not relevant to this argument, yet he brings it up along with his other laundry list of reasons he hates me, all in an effort to avoid admitting any responsibility for showing up on time to have a Friday night dinner out with our young children.
He eventually calmed down, we did have to wait, but we got a table in an acceptable time and luckily the boys did not become cranky.
No reason for this drama! He was late and unapologetic as usual. I don't know why he can't just say, "I am so sorry, I just got caught up at work on a project, I should have let it go and just left at 5 like I promised." Instead, he becomes angered that I am expressing my hurt feelings that he didn't think having dinner with us was important enough to be conscientuous and leave work on time.
*DH is essentially self-employed, so he can come and go as he pleases.
After he got home and we headed to the restaurant, DH yelled at me and threatened me. He brought up other disagreements about how he spends his time, including his typical choice to go to the gym after work, even though he already leaves work later than he should in order to spend some time with the kids and help around the house before bedtime. I usually express my opinion and ask why he doesn't just go to the gym in the mornings or at lunch, or even leave work early in the evening and go then...but DH doesn't want to be questioned. Regardless, the gym time is not relevant to this argument, yet he brings it up along with his other laundry list of reasons he hates me, all in an effort to avoid admitting any responsibility for showing up on time to have a Friday night dinner out with our young children.
He eventually calmed down, we did have to wait, but we got a table in an acceptable time and luckily the boys did not become cranky.
No reason for this drama! He was late and unapologetic as usual. I don't know why he can't just say, "I am so sorry, I just got caught up at work on a project, I should have let it go and just left at 5 like I promised." Instead, he becomes angered that I am expressing my hurt feelings that he didn't think having dinner with us was important enough to be conscientuous and leave work on time.
*DH is essentially self-employed, so he can come and go as he pleases.
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