DH called me an idiot

It was an otherwise unremarkable Tuesday night. Beeb has soccer practice and DH is now an assistant coach. Boo has Little Gym. So Tuesday night has become the night that DH visits during the week.

I take Beeb to meet DH at the practice field, then I immediately drive to Little Gym for Boo. After class is over, we meet Beeb and DH at "our" house. DH typically stays the night. I don't have a problem with this unless he is being unkind to me. He gets to spend time with the kids and sometimes helps with some cleaning up. Otherwise he has to drive an hour away to his parents house, where he is currently residing. Unless he has a girlfriend or a lover somewhere closer, in which case, and another topic altogether, I just have to say she's really naive.

I had fed a light supper to the boys before leaving for soccer practice. I don't think I ate a proper meal this evening. But DH was starving and by the time I arrived home, he was rummaging through the cabinets and asking what I was making for dinner. I explained that the boys were fed. He barked, "Then what are you eating?" I said, "nothing!"

I suggested a few things he could prepare, including canned soup, bagged salad, and some baby carrots and broccoli with dip... He interrupted me and snapped hatefully, "I told you, I can't eat that stuff!! I am on the Atkin's diet this week! If you had any discipline yourself, you would UNDERSTAND!!"

I spun around then and asked mockingly, "what? are you being serious?? and you think this is my problem? you are really going to speak to me like this, again, today, on your night with the kids...in front of them, no less? That's your choice, but if you don't shape up right now, you can just leave!"

He glared at me and continued to gripe. By this time Beeb had wrapped his arms around DH and was begging him not to leave. DH dared tell Beeb that he was leaving because Mommy was being mean to him! I held my ground and I corrected him, so Beeb could hear, "Not true, DH. If you can't speak respectfully in this house then you just have to leave!"

DH lunged at me threateningly and said, "Quit being an IDIOT!!"

By this time, it was truly laughable. I was just done. Indignant, but not mad. I don't care enough to get mad anymore. I rolled my eyes, told him he was just hungry and needed a "time out" in the car for a few minutes. He angrily left to get his food and took a whimpering Beeb with him. When he returned, he was hanging his head. He told me he felt bad, said he was sorry and that he had brought a peace offering. He handed me a grocery sack. Inside was a new purple lock he had promised to replace for me weeks ago and an 8 piece sushi roll dinner.

I am over him, which is probably why his behavior bothers me less and less. However, in moments like these where I keep my chin up and somehow he comes around without a lecture...I wonder if we could have worked this out. If miraculously, he had wanted to really win back my long gone romantic affection, and gone through with me the change that this marriage would have required. I do believe that too many people give up before the change can even have a ghost of a chance... I have to keep believing that I held on and waited too long. Love isn't black and white. There is no absolute right feeling that I am getting from this divorce. But it is underway and I am not turning back. Maybe DH will change someday, maybe with someone else, but he took enough years from me. Waiting out the possible reward was just too great of a risk.