example, my 30th birthday...surprise, honey!

DH arranged a surprise birthday dinner for me. Sounds sweet, right?

In the weeks before my birthday, I had indicated that I really wanted to get together with our friends, G&D. There were a few other couples and singles I had in mind, most of their phone numbers are held in DH's phone. Somehow, DH was completely ignoring my requests to him to call them up and invite them. I had guests in town on my birthday weekend anyway, so I decided it would be okay to let dinner out be just us.

Of course, we show up to the restaurant with my houseguests and there is a full table ready for us. Seated were about 4 friends of mine, 2 of which I am not even very close to. DH had contacted one of my best friends and left it up to her to invite friends. Well, this best friend doesn't know all of my other friends...so she did her best. But immediately I was slightly disappointed that a few others that DH should have thought of, and who I had even mentioned to him, weren't included. I feel guilty that here we are having a party for my birthday, a celebration I had even spoken of making plans with a few friends who weren't here, and they should have been invited.

Still, I was pleased and the company was nice, if lacking true representation of what "my" friends are.

Later, we went to a hotel bar in Dallas. Aha, lots of DH's friends are here. He had arranged his night this way. These guys are great, but they were not here for my birthday or were even notified that it was my birthday. They were planning to be here already, and DH was essentially dragging my surprise birthday party along for his own benefit.

I was glad to be "out" anyway. DH never wants to go out anymore and typically chooses going to bed early over anything else, so I was making the most of it. I DID wish I had been given more of an indication of our night though. I wasn't dressed up. I had been told we were having dinner in the suburbs and so I had dressed accordingly.

DH had a few drinks at the restaurant and was ordering more at the hotel bar. I smiled and asked him how many he had drank already, he snapped at me. First let me explain that this isn't about # of drinks. Most normal people, myself included, act nice, not mean, when they are drinking. When DH drinks, even if minimally, he typically verbally abuses me and also completely ignores me and the company we bring, by heading off to hang out with his friends. So by this time in our marriage, it's so rote. I sense when it's coming...he's tense and I try to distract him or convince him to drink less. Sometimes he takes it lightly and agrees, but tonight, on my 30th birthday, he growled at me out of earshot of everyone else, "Stop being such a f-ing nag!! I can drink as much as I want! DON'T RUIN MY NIGHT!!!"

I think that pretty much sums it up. And one wonders why I was less than thrilled to have a party thrown "for me" by DH.